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Top 5 manly-men in video games.
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Tags: video games, men, manly, top 5
Throughout history, certain men have risen above the rest in terms of sheer masculinity. Conan the Barbarian, Ernest Hemingway, and of course, the Spartans. However, many video game characters have also attained that zenith of masculinity, and it is those characters who I honor with this list.
| | #5: Kratos, from God of War | | | Kratos is practically the definition of a manly video game character. Facial hair? Check. Free-floating hostility that he chooses to exact upon each living organism he encounters? Check. Threesomes with topless babes? Check, check, and check. At the heart of it, though, Kratos is just a simple guy. He likes his ambrosia cold, his family alive, and his deities murdered. However, he gets major bonus points for actually following through with his plan and killing a god. Not many men these days could pull that off. | | | #4: Segata Sanshiro, from Segata Sanshirou Shinkenyugi | | | Okay, I guess he's technically not a video game character, but he should be on the list all the same. Segata Sanshiro is probably the greatest hero in the history of the universe. His entire moral code revolves around playing video games (usually the Sega Saturn), and forcing other misanthropes to do the same, often violently. He even has his own theme song, and has been known to throw unfortunate people so hard they explode. Also, he managed to die in the most masculine way possible - by deflecting a rocket launched at Sega's headquarters by their rivals, Sony, and getting destroyed in the explosion. What a way to go. | | | #3: Big Boss, from Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater | | | Many of you may ask why Solid Snake is nowhere to be found on this list. Surely, you say, he meets the manliness criteria tenfold? Well, yes, but why go with Solid Snake when you can have his clone father? First of all, Big Boss has an eyepatch. Solid Snake never did, and don't get me started on that Solid Eye in MGS4. Second, his beard is far more developed and volumetric than Snake's. Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, in the original MSX version of Metal Gear, Big Boss's avatar was that of none other than Sean Connery himself. Plus the eyepatch, of course. Game, set, and match for Big Boss. | | | #2: Duke Nukem, from Duke Nukem 3D | | | With a physique seemingly forged of pure masculinity at the anvil of Hephaestus, a mind with 3 sections (Kill, Spew One-Liners, Rescue Babes), Duke Nukem is not just a man's man. He is a man's man's man. Not only has he slept with, like, a million women, he's killed more disgusting aliens than a US border guard. Never seen without shades, several belts of ammunition adorning his Spartan-esque shoulders, and a smile that says, "Hail to the king, baby!", Duke Nukem is almost too manly for existence. | | | #1: Ben Throttle, from Full Throttle | | | Duke Nukem may have slaughtered countless aliens and saved countless babes, but Ben Throttle may be quite possibly the manliest character in video gaming. He's got a sweet motorcycle, a perfectly trigonometric chin, and a voice deeper than the Mariana Trench. Not to mention facial stubble that is exactly the colour of the black eye he'd give you for staring at it. For his virile countenance and choice of transportation, Ben earns the number one spot. |
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