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Qantas Airline Maintenance and Repairs Air Travel laughs Jokeman  
FUNNY 

Tags: airlines, travel, Qantas, air travel, airline, airplanes, maintenance

In case you need a laugh: Here is an email list that someone sent me recently. .... they said ............................Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

1.	P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
2.	P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
3.	P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.
4.	P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.
5.	P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
6.	P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
7.	P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level.
8.	P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for.
9.	P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
10.	P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.
11.	P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
12.	P: Aircraft handles funny........... S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
13.	P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
14.	P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.
15.	And the best one for last.................. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.

Lister: JokeMan
Source: Unknown

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