| 1. | Virgin No. 1: Yuck. |
| 2. | Virgin No. 2: Ick. |
| 3. | Virgin No. 3: Ew. |
| 4. | Virgin No. 4: Ow. |
| 5. | Virgin No. 5: Do you like cats? I have fourteen! |
| 6. | Virgin No. 6: I’m Becky. I’ll be legal in two years. |
| 7. | Virgin No. 7: Here, I’ll just pull down your zipper. Oh, sorry! |
| 8. | Virgin No. 8: Can we cuddle first? |
| 9. | Virgin No. 9: It was a garlic-and-onion pizza. Why? |
| 10. | Virgin No. 10: . . . so I see Heath, and he goes, “Like, what are you doing here?,” and I go, “I’m hangin’ out,” so he goes, “Like, what?” . . . |
| 11. | Virgin No. 11: First you’re going to have to show me an up-to-date health certificate. |
| 12. | Virgin No. 12: Hurry! My parents are due home! |
| 13. | Virgin No. 13: Do you want the regular or the special? |
| 14. | Virgin No. 14: I’m eighty-four. So what? |
| 15. | Virgin No. 15: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! |
| 16. | Virgin No. 16: Even I know that’s tiny. |
| 17. | Virgin No. 17: “Do it”? Meaning what? |
| 18. | Virgin No. 18: I’m saving myself for Jesus. |
| 19. | Virgin No. 19: Somewhere on my body I have hidden a buffalo nickel. |
| 20. | Virgin No. 20: Don’t touch my hair! |
| 21. | Virgin No. 21: I hope you’re not going to sleep with me and then go sleep with seventy-one others. |
| 22. | Virgin No. 22: Do you mind if we listen to Mannheim Steamroller? |
| 23. | Virgin No. 23: Are you O.K. with the dog on the bed? |
| 24. | Virgin No. 24: Would you mind saying, “Could I see you in my office, Miss Witherspoon?”? |
| 25. | Virgin No. 25: Ride me! Ride me, Lucky Buck! |
| 26. | Virgin No. 26: You like your vanilla hot? |
| 27. | Virgin No. 27: Does Ookums like Snookums? |
| 28. | Virgin No. 28: It’s so romantic here, dead. |
| 29. | Virgin No. 29: Well, I’m a virgin, but my hand isn’t. |
| 30. | Virgin No. 30: You are in? |
| 31. | Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain. |
| 32. | Virgin No. 32: I’m a virgin because I’m so ugly. |
| 33. | Virgin No. 33: You like-ee? |
| 34. | Virgin No. 34: I’ll betcha you can’t get an erection. Go on, impress me. C’mon, show me. Show me, big shot. |
| 35. | Virgin No. 35: By the way, here in Heaven “virgin” has a slightly different meaning. It means “chatty.” |
| 36. | Virgin No. 36: Sure, I like you, but as a friend. |
| 37. | Virgin No. 37: No kissing. I save that for my boyfriend. |
| 38. | Virgin No. 38: I’m Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my foot. |
| 39. | Virgin No. 39: It’s a lesion, and, no, I don’t know what kind. |
| 40. | Virgin No. 40: I’m Jewish. Why do you ask? |
| 41. | Virgin No. 41: Hi, I’m Becky. Oh, whoops—you again. |
| 42. | Virgin No. 42: I just love camping! Camping is so great! Can we go camping sometime? |
| 43. | Virgin No. 43: In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m a single mom. |
| 44. | Virgin No. 44: You like my breasts? They were my graduation gift. |
| 45. | Virgin No. 45: When you’re done, you should really check out how cool this ceiling is. |
| 46. | Virgin No. 46: I’m almost there. Just another couple of hours. |
| 47. | Virgin No. 47: Get your own beer, you nitwit. |
| 48. | Virgin No. 48: No, you’ve got it wrong. We’re in the Paradise Casino. |
| 49. | Virgin No. 49: I really enjoyed that. Thank you very much. Gee, it’s late. |
| 50. | Virgin No. 50: You make me feel like a real woman. And after this is over I’m going to find one. |
| 51. | Virgin No. 51: What do you mean, “move a little”? |
| 52. | Virgin No. 52: Not now, I’m on my BlackBerry. |
| 53. | Virgin No. 53: I love it when you put on your pants and leave. |
| 54. | Virgin No. 54: We’ve been together twenty-four hours now, and, you know, sometimes it’s O.K. to say something mildly humorous. |
| 55. | Virgin No. 55: That was terrible. I should have listened to the other virgins. |
| 56. | Virgin No. 56: I think I found it. Is that it? Oh. Is this it? Oh, this must be it. No? |
| 57. | Virgin No. 57: It must be hot in here, because I know it’s not me. |
| 58. | Virgin No. 58: Those are my testicles. |
| 59. | Virgin No. 59: Did you know that “virgin” is an anagram of Irving? |
| 60. | Virgin No. 60: First “Spamalot,” then sex. |
| 61. | Virgin No. 61: Great! I was hoping for circumcised. |
| 62. | Virgin No. 62: Was that it? |
| 63. | Virgin No. 63: Dang. George Clooney was being reckless on a motorcycle, but instead I got you. |
| 64. | Virgin No. 64: Tonight, I become a woman. But until then you can call me Bob. |
| 65. | Virgin No. 65: They’re called “adult diapers.” Why? |
| 66. | Virgin No. 66: We could do it here for free, or on a stage in Düsseldorf for money. |
| 67. | Virgin No. 67: I’m just Virgin No. 67 to you, right? |
| 68. | Virgin No. 68: Pee-yoo. Are you wearing Aramis? |
| 69. | Virgin No. 69: Condom, please. |
| 70. | Virgin No. 70: My name is Mother Teresa. |
| 71. | Virgin No. 71: I’m not very good at this, but let’s start with the Reverse Lotus Blossom. |
| 72. | Virgin No. 72: It was paradise, until you showed up. |