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How to use a Public Restroom (Public Restroom Standard Operating Procedure - PRSOP) TrailerGuyBob  
AMUSING 

Tags: etiquette, bathroom habits, crapper, public restrooms, toilet paper, toilet, manners, how to

I’m sad to say someone thought that I might benefit from this. Turns out, I use a lot of these processes. I may possibly have OCD, but using the restroom in any other manner would be absolutely reprehensible to me. The following PRSOP ensures you to emerge unscathed, and as pristine as possible.

1.	Enter the restroom as soon as possible to avoid the risk of neighbors in adjacent stalls. The post lunch crowding is most detestable and can ruin an otherwise marginally tolerable experience.
2.	Begin with a survey of all available stalls making careful notes on cleanliness, seat condition, toiletry supply, lighting, and space for maneuverability.
3.	Select a stall, enter and close the door behind you using a small square of tissue to lock the latch.
4.	Next, begin the cleansing process. Start with an initial flush using your foot to remove any particulate matter inside the bowl visible or otherwise.
5.	Once water movement in the bowl has ceased, fashion a giant mitten the size of a softball by wrapping your hand in at least 10 yards of toilet paper. Then use said mitten to vigorously scrub the seat top, and any exposed surfaces of the underlying bowl, discard the mitten, and commence second flush.
6.	Once water movement in the bowl has ceased a second time, fashion a smaller mitten to remove any collateral splatter from the second flush before constructing your protective barrier.
7.	The thin round butt shaped tissues provided by the janitorial staff are as much of a joke as their cleaning abilities. Instead, line the seat with a series of 10 sheets of toilet paper varying from 4 to 6 inches in length. Start at the front of the seat, and work your way to the back carefully overlapping the previous sheet, and the seat’s edge to prevent even the slightest skin contact.
8.	With the barrier in place un-fasten your trousers or skirt or whatever and prepare to sit. Take special care to sit down directly as any lateral movement could cause the paper to shift, ruining the integrity of your protective barrier.
9.	Wrap your shirt tightly around your waist, tuck your badge in your shirt pocket , and check to make sure the cuffs of your pants or any part of your clothing are not touching the floor.
10.	Do your business
11.	Wait a pre-determined 5-minute recovery period, and then begin remediation. Mittens of various size are utilized until an acceptable level of cleanliness is perceived.
12.	Then stand pausing for a moment to admire your handiwork, and then resume remediation until you are certain that absolutely no undesirable matter remains on your posterior. This can take up to 30 mittens, with multiple flushes, and can be an extremely stressful process.
13.	You are not finished. Use another square to undo the latch, and exit the stall.
14.	Walk to the hand washing stations and roll out a small square of paper towel, leaving it attached to the dispenser. Wash your hands at least twice, the first most vigorously, and the second as a lesser back up, before retrieving the square of paper towel to turn off the faucet.
15.	Then use the square (remember the square?) to dispense enough paper towel (about the size of a volleyball) to dry your hands, and serve as a protective barrier while exiting the facility.
16.	Exit the restroom

Lister: TrailerGuyBob
Source: TrailerGuyBob Video

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