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"I'd rather be rich than stupid." Jack Handey's Deep Thoughts  
FUNNY 

Tags: jack handey, deep thoughts, fuzzy memories, snl, saturday night live, funny, quotes, hilarious

You may remember Jack Handey as one of the writers on SNL. He also contributed the Deep Thoughts and Fuzzy Memories Segments on the show. Here are some of the best Deep Thoughts.

	A lot of times when you first start out on a project you think, This is never going to be finished. But then it is, and you think, Wow, it wasn't even worth it.
	A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.
	Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
	A QUIZ: If I am my brother's brother, who am I? (Answer: me.)
	As I felt the soft cool mud squish between my toes, I thought, Man, these are not very good shoes!
	Basically, there are three ways the skunk and I are a lot alike. The first is, we both like to spread our "stink" around. The second is we both get hit by cars a lot. The third is stripes.
	Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
	Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
	For me, the worst thing about having King Kong walk down your street is that kids could look up and see the giant genitalia.
	I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
	If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)?
	If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.
	If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

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Source: Sarah's Wonderful World of Fun

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