| | (angrily) That's like the tenth time I've peed since I've been here! |
| | (nods along) Fish! |
| | (shocked) You've never asked a guy out?!! |
| | (starting to cry) Thank you so much. |
| | (to her stomach) Stop it! |
| | (whispers) In the cab, on the way over, Steve blazed up a doobie. |
| | A new grocery store. The universe said I was going to meet a nice guy and that's what they gave me? (Looks up) When I get up there I'm going to kick some ass. |
| | A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so cliché. Why don't you get a magician?! |
| | About 20 minutes. |
| | Alright, don't say that. He's probably always been dull. You just, you know, set it free. |
| | And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die. |
| | And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?! |
| | Are you the cutest? |
| | Being pregnant is tough on your tummy. |
| | Chicken. Which is so ironic considering I'm a vegetarian. |
| | Definitely not his mother. |
| | Duh!! Christmas! |
| | Excuse me. Excuse me! (Mrs. Bukart stops singing) Thanks. Um, clearly this is a very, very hard time for you. Um, but, um, we provided a service, and we deserve to be paid because you ate that service, and, um, we are not leaving here until we're paid every penny. 'Cause you know what, lady? We're part time caterers, and we have no place else to go. |
| | Fine! Be murky! |
| | Give her a key to your apartment. |
| | God, that is the nicest kitchen. |
| | Hey listen let me ask you, do you believe in soul mates? |
| | Hey! So I had a great day, Rick and I really hit it off, and we started making out, and then my boss walked in and fired me for being a whore. |
| | Hey, Joey! Hey! Ooh! Ooh! I just say someone on the-that looks just like you on the subway. And I was gonna go over and say 'hi!' but then I figured, he doesn't care if he looks like you. |
| | Hey, look who's up! How do you feel? |
| | Hmm, did you talk to Gary about the moving in thing? |
| | Honey, I wish you would get over her. I hate seeing you like this. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to look down my top? |
| | I can't believe you caved. |
| | I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful. That old jackass! |
| | I could be a secretary. |
| | I could do that. |
| | I don't know, it's just, you know...monkeys, Darwin, you know, it's a, it's a nice story, I just think it's a little too easy. |
| | I don't know, they both want to live in a house of cheese! I don't know how you fight that. |
| | I got it from your maid. She's a bitch, but I wore her down. |
| | I haven't really had any yet. |
| | I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, y'know? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen thought I was a whore too. It's been a really bad day, whore wise. |
| | I know, but that creep that I went on that date with goes to there so I have to find a new one. I also have to find a new video store, a new bank, a new adult bookstore, a new grocery store… |
| | I know. This is really, really huge. |
| | I love the second grade! |
| | I would love it if I weren't here! |
| | I'm sorry, but sometimes they need help. That's fine. Go ahead and scoff. You know, there're a lot of things that I don't believe in, but that doesn't mean they're not true. |
| | I'm sorry, there's laughing in my head. |
| | I'm, uhh, making up flyers trying to get new massage clients. So, can I come to Bloomingdale's and use the copy machine. |
| | If I haven't said it before: she's a lucky, lucky lady! |
| | It's not kicking me, it's kicking one of the other babies. Oh! (looks down her dress) Don't make me come in there! |
| | It's, I mean, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's my friends. They-they have a liking problem with you. In that, um, they don't. |
| | Like crop circles, or the Bermuda triangle, or evolution? |
| | Look, can't we just say that you believe in something, and I don't. |
| | Maybe the overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts. |
| | My mom never gave birth. Oh! But my birth mom did. |
| | No no no, I'll be nice, I swear!!! Could you just give me the number for where they are? |
| | No wonder your pregnant. |
| | No! But it's the nicest kitchen, the refrigerator told me to have a great day. |
| | No! I am a positive person. You are like Santa Clause on Prozac, at Disneyland, getting laid! |
| | No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen. |
| | No, no, Mr. Heckles no one is making any noise up here. |
| | No, not the used wax. |
| | Now wasn't Joey hitting on her at the wedding too? |
| | Oh are you and Chandler… |
| | Oh hey, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy is putting stuff in boxes! |
| | Oh my God Eric hi! Wait, how'd you get this number? |
| | Oh my God. You'd put that poor little creature in jail? |
| | Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother. |
| | Oh no, one of those 'look for the hidden meaning' songs. |
| | Oh Rachel, this is all so 'Papa don't preach.' |
| | Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how they're always like drinking from out pool of inner power, but God forbid we should take a sip. |
| | Oh! I sous stand. |
| | Oh, all right. What did I have? |
| | Oh, God, just do it! (Grabbing the phone.) Call her! Stop being so testosteroney! |
| | Oh, how'd that happen? |
| | Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies. |
| | Oh, I'm Phoebe Buffay. I'm one of Ross's best friends. |
| | Oh, it's like the mother ship is calling you home. |
| | Oh, no wonder I don't feel full. |
| | Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys. |
| | Oh, OK, I don't eat meat. |
| | Oh, so you're Monica's boss? |
| | Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking.. she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (yelling) Hey, that's not for you, bitch! |
| | Oh, you came on to Ross! |
| | Oh, you didn't have to come in with me. |
| | Ok, don't get me started on gravity. |
| | OK, I smell smoke. Maybe that's 'cause someone's pants are on fire. |
| | OK, is this really my father? |
| | Ok, Ross, could you just open your mind like this much, ok? Wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed that the world was flat? And, up until like what, 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open, and this like, whole mess of crap came out. Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit that there's a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this? |
| | Ok, so this is pretty much what's happened so far. Ross was in love with Rachel since, you know, forever, but every time he tried to tell her, something kind of got in the way, like cats, and Italian guys. Finally Chandler was like "forget about her" but when Ross was in China on his dig, Chandler let it slip that Ross was in love with Rachel. She was like, "Oh my god." So she went to the airport to meet him when he came back, but what she didn't know was, that Ross was getting off the plane with another woman. Uh-Oh! So, that's pretty much everything you need to know. But, enough about us. So, how've you been? |
| | Ok, somebody is on their way to ruin wedding okay. And I have to warn somebody, alright. So if you don't give me that number then I'm going to come over there and kick your snooty ass all the way to New Glocken..shire. |
| | Ok, this is a typical lightning-bearer thing. Right there, it's like, um, 'Hello, who wants one of my phallic shaped man cakes?' |
| | Ok, um, (clears throat) we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world. (Phoebe opens a tin and offers Rachel a cookie) |
| | OK. Ooh, OK, you gotta give me a second, I wanna get this just right. (she sticks out her gut, clears her throat and sniffs her nose and then in her best male voice) Dude, 11 o'clock, totally hot babe checkin' you out. That was really good, I think I'm ready for my penis now. |
| | Okay, I will. But right after you tell me who the hell you are. |
| | Okay. Do you guys want me to play for you? |
| | One of the babies is kicking. |
| | Ooh, I think I wanna trade circles. |
| | Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree. Oh my God, you should see the size of his Christmas Balls. |
| | Ooh, technically you owe me $600 for sending out happy thoughts on your last ten auditions. |
| | Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman. |
| | Rachel, didn't have anything that I liked, so, but she had this Christmas ribbon, and I thought, 'All right, fine I'll be political.' |
| | Smoked a joint? You know, lit a bone? Weed? Hemp? Ganja? |
| | So what, you're just never going to tell her? |
| | Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do. |
| | Sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand dollars for the thumb. |
| | Stick a fork what? |
| | Taffy, really? I've never had any. |
| | That's sweat. You throw up all morning, you'll have that glow too. |
| | Then I'm gonna have to ask you to keep it down. |
| | Then I've already seen this one! (turns off the TV) |
| | There we go. You know what, if we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches. |
| | Thousands of times!! That doesn't make me sound too good does it? |
| | Wait. Really?! 'Cause mine get me out of tickets. |
| | We could eat the wax! It's organic. |
| | We have got to get you lazy boys out of these chairs. |
| | We were just wondering if Chandler's girlfriend is a girl. |
| | Well maybe he was just nervous, y'know you can be very intimidating. And besides I've met your pastry chef and she can stand to be taken down a peg or two. |
| | Well you know, you just, you eat them and you can tell. |
| | Well, I think my mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats. |
| | Well, it just, it doesn't feel like playing anymore, it feels like work. It's like I'm working in the field. |
| | Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just...I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed. |
| | Well, no no, you have to stay back. I, I have the pox. |
| | What does she mean by HH? |
| | What is this obsessive need you have to make everyone agree with you? No, what's that all about? I think, I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope. |
| | What's the matter? Why so scrunchy? |
| | Why would you kill his fish? |
| | Wow! Okay, dude alert! |
| | Wow! What an incredible violation-and wonderful surprise. |
| | Wow, money and a firm hand. Finally a Chandler I can get on board with. |
| | Yeah well, that's 'cause Monica put me in charge of cups and ice, and Monica is gonna rue the day that she put me in charge of cups and ice. |
| | Yeah! It's so much better than first grade when you don't know what's going on and definitely better than third grade. Y'know with all the politics and mind games. |
| | Yeah, but Monica, do you actually want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase, "That's not how your dad used to do it." |
| | Yeah, by Sandrine. |
| | Yeah, I can see where I'd be your best shot but, no. I'm sorry, but I think it's twisted. |
| | Yeah, I just don't buy it. |
| | Yeah, I know, he's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore, you know? I don't know if it's me, or his hunger strike, or, I don't know. |
| | Yeah, it's just so strange. I mean, she probably woke up today and thought, "ok, I'll have some breakfast, and then I'll take a little walk, and then I'll have my massage." Little did she know God was thinking, "Ok, but that's it." |
| | Yeah, oh I'm sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya, it's a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk on your bladder! I'm so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, 'cause-Oh! I'm pregnant! |
| | Yeah, um, I can't fly. I'm having my brother's babies. |
| | Yeah. Oh, except one of the strings on my guitar is broken. Hey, Chandler, can I borrow your G-string? |
| | Yep! As long as you understand that I'm going to call my lawyer and once he puts you on the stand he'll make you look like a fool. A fool! |
| | You are useless! Freaking out about commitment is the one thing you can do! The one thing! And you can't even do that right! God! |
| | You ask an intriguing question Chandler Bing. |
| | You cook naked? |
| | You don't have to put a good spin on everything. |
| | You don't play the oboe! |
| | You guys are so pathetic, I, oh, OH, XANADU! OH. |
| | You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh! That was fun. So who's hungry? |
| | You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional people. |
| | You know, I think I want to write a song about all this. |
| | You're kidding! And he plays rugby?! That's so funny. (Realises) Ohh! I see how you did that. All right. |