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Roger Clemens’s Top 10 Needle Excuses  
AMUSING 

Tags: Roger Clemens, baseball, MLB, pitcher, funny, needle, top 10, excuses, HGH, steroids

Haha....

1.	“The Scientologists used the needles to conduct blood tests when I secretly fathered Baby Suri.”
2.	“Did I mention that my wife was an HGH junkie?”
3.	“NASA requested a sample of my blood in case the entire human race had to be reconstituted from the DNA of the ideal male. (It was me or Lance Armstrong, and I won, for obvious reasons.)”
4.	“Major League Baseball used the needles to collect samples of my blood as part of a top-secret plan to clone the greatest baseball team of all time. (I’m the entire pitching staff.)”
5.	“Derek Jeter used the needles during an ill-fated experiment with intravenous hair gel.”
6.	“The needles belonged to David Justice; Halle Berry asked me to hide his ‘Rage Rods’ while she told him she wanted a divorce.”
7.	“Mike Piazza threw the needles into my ass like darts after I chucked that bat at him.”
8.	“Andy Pettitte actually used those needles to extract testosterone from my ass and inject it into his.”
9.	“My sons, Koby, Kory, Kacy, and Kody, planted the needles as a practical joke after I threatened to change their names to Meatball, Balk, Wild Pitch, and Farnsworth.”
10.	“My wife began injecting HGH during a frustrating recovery from ‘Pilates elbow.’”

Lister: ListAfterList Wiki Contributors
Source: VanityFair

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