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Roger Clemens’s Top 10 Needle Excuses
AMUSING 
Tags: Roger Clemens, baseball, MLB, pitcher, funny, needle, top 10, excuses, HGH, steroids
Haha....
| 1. | “The Scientologists used the needles to conduct blood tests when I secretly fathered Baby Suri.” |
| 2. | “Did I mention that my wife was an HGH junkie?” |
| 3. | “NASA requested a sample of my blood in case the entire human race had to be reconstituted from the DNA of the ideal male. (It was me or Lance Armstrong, and I won, for obvious reasons.)” |
| 4. | “Major League Baseball used the needles to collect samples of my blood as part of a top-secret plan to clone the greatest baseball team of all time. (I’m the entire pitching staff.)” |
| 5. | “Derek Jeter used the needles during an ill-fated experiment with intravenous hair gel.” |
| 6. | “The needles belonged to David Justice; Halle Berry asked me to hide his ‘Rage Rods’ while she told him she wanted a divorce.” |
| 7. | “Mike Piazza threw the needles into my ass like darts after I chucked that bat at him.” |
| 8. | “Andy Pettitte actually used those needles to extract testosterone from my ass and inject it into his.” |
| 9. | “My sons, Koby, Kory, Kacy, and Kody, planted the needles as a practical joke after I threatened to change their names to Meatball, Balk, Wild Pitch, and Farnsworth.” |
| 10. | “My wife began injecting HGH during a frustrating recovery from ‘Pilates elbow.’” |
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