| | If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long. |
| | If someone says, "I'll be right back", they won't. |
| | Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but always say: "Enter Password |
| | Now". |
| | It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. And none of your friends have to knock when they come for a visit. In addition, every front door can be opened from the outside without having to use a key. |
| | Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. |
| | All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. |
| | A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. |
| | If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone around you will automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the music in your head. |
| | Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. |
| | Any bullet from a handgun has enough force to throw a full-grown man ten feet back. |
| | Characters will always find a parking space right in front of the building they're going to even in a large metropolitan city where parking is basically impossible. |
| | Characters at a bar or at a restaurant table will always get the attention of a server at the exact moment they need to order. |
| | When a gift/present is given, the top is wrapped separately from the rest of the box and it lifts straight off so that there is never any ripping or fumbling with wrapping paper. |
| | A chase scene on foot in a city always has a shot of one of the characters running into the street, nearly being hit by a car screeching to a halt at which point the driver flails his arm out the window and yells an expletive. |
| | Anytime a character in an awful rush confronts another character curious about his predicament, the first one says, "There's no time to explain," and then explains anyway. |
| | No matter how slow zombies walk they will always catch up. |
| | The bad guy will always throw his gun at you to indicate he has run out of bullets. |
| | A candle or table lamp can light a whole room and at night time, it's blue. |
| | If the main guy is in love with the main girl, he will always get her in the end, even if she's married. If she is married, her husband will always say "oh well, if it makes you happy"... and he'll never go to beat the crap out of the other guy. |
| | It’s easy for you to master the skill of controlling any vehicle you need, weather it be landing a plane, for example. |
| | Everybody when needing a computer can type supper fast and never need to hit the space bar! |
| | Computers never freeze or crash, unlike in the real world. If they do, a good thumping on the monitor works every time. |
| | The best way to get laid is to put on some slow jazz music. |
| | Good guys never panic, they stay cool at point black range, and bluff their way out with the "you could surely use me in your plan" crap. |
| | Heavily armed men flying heavily armed helicopters cause only cosmetic damage to the hero's transport, but one bullet from the hero’s gun makes the chopper blow up. |
| | A woman being chased by a murderer will always fall over, either because she's running in stilettos or is ridiculously clumsy. |
| | Serial killers never just die. They will remain still for ages so that the hero is fooled and walks right past them... at which point the killer grabs their ankle and then keeps fighting. |
| | It is possible to drive safely for long periods with your head turned completely away from the road ahead, either in conversation or from looking at a map. |
| | Every time the "hero" is sneaking into the bad guy's room, checking secret files on the computer: |
| | 1a. The password is already typed in. |
| | 1b. The password is very simple. |
| | 2. There appears a very slow bar saying "copying", "deleting" or "printing" and it is finished just before the bad guy, the security guard or the Mexican cleaning lady comes in. |
| | 3. In addition to your non-booting computer, they are also turned off in a flash. |
| | 4. All the characters, even the blonde bimbo's put in to lure us to the cinema, became all-knowing super-mega-nerds once behind a computer. They always know what to do and how to avoid things. |
| | No Australian or movie is complete without all of these: |
| | 1. A Kangaroo. |
| | 2. A Boomerang. |
| | 3. A Koala. |
| | 4. Bushmen. |
| | 5. A crocodile |
| | Detectives can watch a drug deal (carried out furtively in a shop doorway) go down from a distance of five yards away with a newspaper raised to eye level. |
| | Cats always make a noise. If someone is creeping into a house and is momentarily scared by a cat, it always has to meow before running off. |
| | The bad guy's sexy girl will try to seduce the good guy, then when that fails will beat him up using martial arts. While wearing skintight leather, a short and too tight mini skirt and stilettos. |
| | Women can never find their car keys while being pursued by a killer. Once they do find them, it takes them ages to fumble the keys into the ignition, giving the killer enough time to reach the car and pound on the window. |
| | Your car will take several turns of the key to start only when someone is chasing you. |
| | A goat is capable of tossing a grown man through the air by butting him in the ass with it's horns. |
| | A person investigating strange noises in their house always finds that the lights don't work, then stumble around in the dark rather than getting a torch. At least one of the noises they hear will turn out to be made by a cat. |
| | Many animals, when they consume alcohol, will take on human drunken characteristics, usually to the sound of something stupid, like a trombone being played. |
| | Anytime a person is expecting a bad guy to jump out at them, often they'll sigh in relief when it's just the cat, or the wind, or a tree branch against the window. But as soon as they let their guard down and laugh at their "silliness", they're going to be attacked by the bad guy that really was there after all. |
| | When someone puts a baby down to bed, that baby coos and smiles, and then just goes right off to sleep. It's amazing. |
| | Police officers never wait for back-up. |
| | Bad things happen to women who are alone in the house on stormy nights. |
| | Everyone seems to have some odd "L shaped" sheets on their beds able to cover a woman up to her neck and her partner up to his waste. |
| | Bad guys die instantly, good guys die slowly. |
| | When the good guy is being attacked by a gang, they will run at him one at a time while the rest stay (in the case of ninjas, dance) around in a menacing manner, allowing him to kick all of their asses by the time the scene is over. |
| | You can jump from a tall building and land on mattresses, a pile of boxes, or a dumpster full of garbage and, though you might groan and be a little slow getting up, you will not sustain any serious injury. |
| | It's very easy to fool the security guards at highly top secret government institutions. |
| | It's very easy for a computer hacker to break a security code and find just the information he's looking for in less than a minute. |
| | If you're a criminal mastermind, you cannot just shoot the hero in the back, you have to tie him up and wait for some diabolical machine to finish the hero off and you can't wait around to make sure it works, which allows the hero a chance to escape, which he always does. |
| | When an ugly girl takes off her glasses, gets a haircut, and puts on nice clothes she is suddenly very hot. |
| | If you chase someone through a park you will never step in dog poop or chewing gum, but you will always step on someone's picnic. |
| | No matter how crowded the bar is, there are always extra stools available right in front of a bartender who is just standing there waiting for someone to order. |
| | People in movies rarely have to shave, and whenever a guy does shave, he will be interrupted while half finished, and will wipe the remaining shaving cream off with a towel. Of course, even the part he didn't get to shave will be perfectly smooth. |
| | When a good guy enters a house, he/she will avoid every shot of machine gun fire while killing a lot of bad guys. He/she doesn't need to reload his pistol until he runs out of ammo, which coincidentally happens when the main bad guy appears, at which point he fights him/her hand to hand. |
| | In a gunfight a normal soldier is shot with one bullet and instantly drops dead to the ground, while the protagonist in said battle can be shot in various places by multiple shooters, and survive with a few bandages and a cast. |
| | A devious villain will immediately shoot a non-important character whenever needed without hesitation. However when he finally has the chance to kill the hero seeking to craft his doom, he will undoubtedly hold a firearm trained on said protagonist for at least 90 seconds while performing a well-written soliloquy. This delay is all the hero needs to escape. |
| | When a woman is being pursued by a scary serial killer that she knows is in her house, she will always run upstairs instead of out of the house. |
| | You can break into any house or door with a credit card. |
| | The bad guy will always tell the good guy every detail about his master plan instead of just shooting him. |
| | When someone has stopped breathing and has no pulse, simply breathing into her mouth twice and looking extremely distressed while screaming "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!" will bring her back to life immediately. |
| | People never obey warnings. |
| | There's always a corrupt police officer. |
| | Movie theatres and drive-ins only show classic horror movies. |
| | If you meet a member of the opposite sex, and you both hate each other don't worry because you'll eventually fall in love with each other. |
| | Major disasters always happen in New York or LA, or Washington D.C. |
| | The President is always very considerate and well-spoken. Not to mention he always is able to fly a jet fighter when needed. |
| | When it comes to work, lazy and careless often beats hard working and careful. |
| | Owning a nightclub/bar will bring in the babes and make your rich. Spending all night partying and drinking with a bunch of young attractive people who would do anything to please you because you are “the owner of the bar or club.” Which is the hottest, hippest place in town to be on any night. In reality said bar would be frequented by a bunch of middle aged, out of shape guys who will do nothing but whine to you about the various problems in their lives. And you will be broke. So will your customers. Your hot witnessing staff will include a cross dresser named Princess and a 55 yr old out of shape chubby woman with gray hair. |
| | The mafia, Colombian drug lord, psycho killer murdering rampaging evil doer kills the undercover, retired cop or hero’s family and burns down/blows up/reduces his home to ashes, the only thing to survive the fire will be that one Polaroid of his wife and kids hugging, smiling and all happy on the beach. Would somebody please tell me what are those Polaroid’s made of? The 600-pound solid steel gun cabinet was utterly annihilated with pieces of it and the house blasted to God knows where kingdom come, but thank God that Polaroid survived. |
| | Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead. |
| | It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting. Even in the middle of rush hour traffic. |
| | A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. |
| | Heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste. |
| | Whenever a natural or man-made disaster is about to occur, the hero escapes (alive) nano second before its too late and is catapulted into the air by the force- but is never harmed |
| | No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged. |
| | If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity. |
| | You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one. |
| | Building ventilation ducts are always clean. |
| | All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555. |
| | If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now. |
| | Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not. |
| | The Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement. |
| | If a lifetime of watching movies has taught me anything at all, it's to MAKE SURE that a captured secret agent is dead BEFORE you walk away from your miscellaneous torture device. A single gunshot to the temple of his forehead should do the trick. |
| | That, and to always look behind you when you hear menacing violin music begin to play. |
| | In school, teachers will always be interrupted mid-sentence by the end-of-class bell. |
| | Being a camp counselor at a summer camp is as good as a death sentence |
| | Don't take a boat ride to a strange unlisted island, especially if you are blonde and pretty. If you do, stay on the boat. |
| | Never go after the morning paper wearing nothing but a bath towel -- the front door will slam behind you and you'll be locked out. |
| | Never get a job as a security guard at a scientific research center. Unless you want to get shot, shot at or killed on a nightly basis. |