| | You're not as vile as I thought you were. |
| | Remove head from sphincter, then drive! |
| | Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half of his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers. |
| | What is it, Asshole Day? |
| | I guess in this society, being male and an asshole makes you worthy of our time. |
| | Do you even know my name screwboy? |
| | Well, now that you've seen "the plan," I'm gonna go and show "the plan" to someone else. |
| | I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick — it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh — even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that you're not around and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you — not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. |
| | I want you. I need you. Oh baby, oh baby. |
| | I need agua! |
| | What is it with this chick? She got beer-flavored nipples? |
| | It's not everyday you find a girl who'll flash someone to get you out of detention. |
| | Ooh, see that, there. Who needs affection when I have blind hatred? |
| | Has the fact that you're completely psycho managed to escape your attention? |
| | Are you asking me out? That's so cute! What's your name again? |
| | You don't buy black lingerie unless you want somebody to see it. |
| | That's for making my date bleed! ...That's for my sister! ...And that's for me! |
| | There is a difference between like and love. I like my Sketchers, but I love my Prada backpack. |
| | I happen to like being adored, thank you. |
| | I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy. I don't care how dope his ride is! |
| | Kissing isn't what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta all day long. |
| | You know, fathers don't like to admit it when daughters become capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Bianca still let's me play a few innings - you've had me on the bench for years. And when you go to Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to watch the game. |
| | You're 18, you don't know what you want. And you won't know what you want 'til you're 45, and even if you get it, you'll be too old to use it! |
| | I know every cop in town, bucko. |
| | I learned French for you! |
| | Just because you're beautiful doesn't mean you can treat people like they don't matter. |
| | And I'm BACK IN THE GAME! |
| | I burn! I pine! I perish! |
| | I have a dick on my face, don't I? |
| | The shit hath hitith the fan... ith. |
| | I'm thinking about getting a Tercel. Yup, that's a Toyota. |
| | Now. I know Shakespeare's a dead white guy, but he knows his shit, so we can overlook that. I want you all to write your own version of this sonnet. Yes, Ms. "I Have An Opinion About Everything?" |
| | Maybe. If we were the last two human beings alive. And there were no sheep. Are there sheep? |
| | That must be Nigel with the brie. |