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"Politics is just show business for ugly people." Jay Leno Quotes  
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Tags: leno, jay, late night, TV, quotes

Jay Leno, late night king, has said some pretty funny stuff over the years. Here are some favorites:

	Christopher Columbus discovering America is sort of like Al Gore saying he invented the Internet.
	A new poll shows that 54% of women said they would rather have a perfect body than a genius IQ. I guess with a genius IQ, they can do whatever they want. With a perfect body, you can get somebody else to do whatever you want.
	According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
	As you know, a federal judge ordered Microsoft to split into two different companies. Right after announcing that, Bill Gates said, "Fine," and bought the other company. The good news for Microsoft, now they can have two employees of the month.
	George W. Bush now says he opposes same-sex marriages. President Clinton said today he also opposes same-sex marriages. But, see, in Clinton's case, he means he opposes sex with the same person you're married to. I don't think he understands the issue.
	After seeing Condit last night, we now realize how great a liar Clinton was.
	I heard a commentator say the difference between Al Gore and Bill Clinton is that Al Gore actually likes to sleep with his wife. That is not fair. I'm sure that Bill Clinton would like sleeping with Al Gore's wife too.
	I went into MacDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
	If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
	I'm a staunch independent. Every time I think I am a Republican, they do something greedy and every time I think I am a Democrat, they go and do someting stupid.
	Nabisco announced recently that ... it's coming out with new bite-sized Oreos that are easier to eat. How lazy are we getting in this country when people are too exhausted to eat [a regular-sized] Oreo at this point? Who eats an Oreo and goes, "Let me wrap the rest of this up -- I wish they were smaller."
	Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So, overweight people are now average.
	Dick Cheney agreed to be President Bush's running mate once again in 2004. He made the announcement while riding in Ambulance One.
	Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
	A new study finds that women use their whole brain when listening and men only use half of their brain. You see, men use the other half of their brain to come up with excuses. I don't think women use their whole brain when listening. I think they use half of it and the other half is used to memorize what men are saying so they can use it against them 10 years later!
	Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
	If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
	It's just a matter of time before we go into Iraq and get Saddam Hussein. I think just before Bush falls below 50 percent, that's when we'll be going.
	Politics is just show business for ugly people.
	The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up.
	This is a busy time for President Clinton. Not only does he have that thing in Kosovo, it's also prom season.
	Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
	You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
	You know what they should call this war - Son of Bush vs. Son of a Bitch.
	You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

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