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3 Steps to Makeup Sex
HOW TO 
Tags: sex, fight, makeup sex, relationships, love
Fighting is easy. Too bad making up isn't. Who wants to replay all that stuff that pissed you off in the first place? Much easier to sweep the rage under the rug and leave it there — until next time. But the postclash repair process is probably the most important part of the fight because it forces you to work together to understand each other. Try this three-step plan for settling your next spat and you'll wind up holding hands — not grudges.
| | Establish a "ready" signal. If you force a discussion while either of you is still sorting out feelings, you won't accomplish much. Let enough time pass so that you're thinking beyond the nasty exchange. The green light can be as simple as plunking a fake flower in an empty vase, as zany as e-mailing each other with the subject line "kung pao," or as straightforward as a face-to-face "Let's talk." When each of you has sent the signal — or said the words — the forum is officially open. |
| | Make bodily contact. According to a 2005 study in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine, physical contact raises blood levels of the hormone oxytocin, which reduces stress and makes you feel connected. So — even if it's the last thing you want to do — initiate a hug. Even sitting on the same side of the table or nestling against each other on the couch nudges you out of the fight zone and closer to fix-it mode. |
| | Consider his POV. When you're both ready to reconcile, avoid repeating rants from the fight. It'll land you back in another bickerfest. You don't have to pretend that you're okay with him grabbing dinner with a client and not calling you, but considering his point of view will ultimately soften his defense. For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction: If you concede just a bit, he'll do the same. |
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