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The Facts About Living Together  
TIPS 

Tags: sex, living together, relationships, love

It used to be called "living in sin." Now it's the status quo. But people rarely talk about how surprisingly stressful moving in together can be. Here are the facts about sharing a place.

	It doesn't seal the deal. Moving in seems like a natural precursor to marriage, but you shouldn't count on it. Only 45% of couples who cohabitate get hitched, and research has linked living together before tying the knot to an increased risk of unhappy marriage. One theory as to why: People who live together often swap rings not because they're right for each other, but because they feel too invested in the relationship to break up. Strategy: Talk about the future. If marriage is what you want, make that crystal clear especially if it requires an uncomfortable conversation. A recent study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that couples who get engaged before setting up house are happier pre and postmarriage than couples who do so after the move. Make sure you understand each other's reasons for wanting to move in. Agree on a timeline for how the relationship is going to unfold.
	All roommates are irritating. Just because you're hot for each other doesn't make living together easy. Strategy:Choose your battles. Yes, he's annoying. But he'll always be annoying! And so will you by virtue of sharing the same space 24/7. You need to let go of the little things that bug you but aren't meaningful. Whenever he's driving you up the wall, try to think of three nice things he's done for you lately. It should defuse your irritation just enough to keep you from lashing out.
	It's not just about you anymore. Now your decisions, from trivial to momentous, will affect another person's routine, lifestyle, and bank account. Formerly speedy grocery runs now require remembering what kind of yogurt, or cookies, or bread he likes. Strategy: Be a better half. Moving in together really does mean becoming a team, and that means giving up a lot of the autonomy you've been reveling in since you were 18. Before making decisions that could affect him, ask yourself how you would feel if he did the same to you. Then proceed accordingly even if it makes you groan.
	Love doesn't solve money problems. You might be saving a bundle on rent, but money problems are as inevitable as basement drafts and broken toilet-bowl handles. 70 percent of couples admit to arguing about finances. Money is so entwined with power and control, it's seldom something you can talk about objectively with your significant other. Strategy: Decide now how you're going to handle financial stuff. Don't wait until the bills start clogging your mailbox. If one of you earns more than the other, that person should contribute proportionately to the bills. Come up with a plan and put it in writing: If arguments arise later, it'll help clear up any fuzzy memories.
	The sex will change. People who live together but aren't married report the greatest frequency of sex. So that's a plus. The minus? The sex can lose its wow factor. 58 percent of people who are married or have lived together for less than 3 years report "very exciting" sex lives, compared with 29 percent of couples who've been at it more than 10 years. Strategy: Keep searching for new triggers. A new body in bed might be a bigger source of excitement, but when it comes to truly satisfying, orgasmic sex, nothing beats knowing each other well. Take pleasure in the fact that he knows exactly where and how to rub. Just don't assume there's nothing left for each of you to learn.
	Expect the unexpected. Never underestimate the power of a solid relationship to bring out surprising new sides of a person. Strategy: Stay the course. If the basics are there — trust, shared values, good communication — don't give up when you hit a rough spot (and you will). To keep the going as smooth as possible, build a support system of friends and family members who you can count on as a couple. As for major brawls, sometimes just letting time pass can give each of you a chance to sort out your feelings. That's one of the great things about moving in together — you can go to bed mad, and, chances are, you'll still wake up happy to see each other.

Lister: ListAfterList Wiki Contributors
Source: Women's Health

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