| 1. | I don't want to talk about it. = I want to figure it out. |
| 2. | When you ask me what's on my mind and I say "nothing," I really mean nothing. |
| 3. | I'd appreciate it if you left the bathroom door closed while you pee. Yes, we're comfortable around each other, but do we need to be that comfortable? |
| 4. | Brazilian wax. = Me like. |
| 5. | I will deny this to the death in front of my friends, but I love it when you grab my hand while we're standing in line at the movies. |
| 6. | I know when you're faking it. |
| 7. | Never utter the words "penis" and "cute" in the same sentence. Even if the penis in question is not mine. |
| 8. | I love it when you laugh at my jokes. Even the stupid ones. |
| 9. | Especially the stupid ones. |
| 10. | Would it kill you to wear something with pockets? I don't want to carry around your lipstick and license all night. |
| 11. | I want kids, but I have no interest in not being the single most important thing in your life. Tell me: Do you think this is going to be problematic? |
| 12. | I thoroughly enjoy watching large men stand in a ring and beat the tattoos off each other. Fighting with you? Not so down with that. |
| 13. | If you allow me to be my endearingly odd, occasionally twisted self around you, I'll always be there. |
| 14. | A vacation with your parents is about as enjoyable for me as...never mind, you know this one already. |
| 15. | Not sure if I can deal with watching my kid being born. Can we make it a game-time decision? |
| 16. | I worry about our finances about 30 times a day — so no need to keep reminding me. |
| 17. | I like a girl who drinks beer out of the bottle. |
| 18. | Don't expect me to sing along with you in the car. It's not, um, manly. |
| 19. | I love the occasional "I WANT YOU" text message. Send me one right now. ;) |
| 20. | It's totally refreshing when you can laugh at yourself. It also means that you're not laughing at me. |
| 21. | I like it when other guys check you out, but not the other way around. |
| 22. | Yes, this is a double standard. |
| 23. | My brain is not wired for multitasking, so cut me some slack if I'm watching Ultimate Fighting and I don't answer you right away. |
| 24. | It's nice when you offer to pay for something every once in a while — even if you know I won't let you. |
| 25. | I don't fear commitment; I fear containment. A guy needs his space — with room for a table saw, his album collection, and a plasma TV. |
| 26. | If you're going to compliment me, say you like my eyes, my smile, or my killer biceps. I'm totally okay with being a piece of meat. |
| 27. | Contrary to popular belief, it's not a turnoff when you tell me exactly what you want me to do to you, for how long, and how hard. |
| 28. | Honestly, watching porn doesn't mean I'm bored with our sex life. It just means I'm really interested in other people's. |
| 29. | Just because I don't respond doesn't mean I'm not listening. |
| 30. | Don't ask if I think Scarlett Johansson is hot if you don't want an honest answer. |
| 31. | Speaking of honest answers: Hearing about your diet falls somewhere between flower arranging and French cinema. |
| 32. | Most of us are cowards when it comes to breaking up, so if it's not working out, do a brother a favor and end it first, okay? |
| 33. | But don't say it's because you're no longer attracted to me. It takes months to recover from that. |
| 34. | Can we please give our kids normal names? Apple is not a name. It's a type of pie. |
| 35. | Your butt looks fine in those jeans. And even if it didn't, you wouldn't hear it from me. |
| 36. | I love it when you say my name in bed.* |
| 37. | * It's Jonathan, by the way. |