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MANventions! What Men Really Want  
FUNNY 

Tags: men, inventions, manventions, demand, need, creation

These are the things men really want but have yet to be invented...so if anyone out there is an inventor, get on it! Is there anything creative you, as a man, would like to see invented. Put it here!

1.	Edible Beer Bottles: Beer and food go together like watching Joan Rivers and committing suicide. So what's better than bringing the food TO the beer...with edible beer bottles. Each kind of beer would have a different flavored bottle--German beers would taste like sausage, Pabst Blue Ribbon would taste like pretzels.
2.	Porn Toilet Paper: Fact A: men like to service the old dumwaiter while sitting on the toilet. Fact B: keeping old porn magazines around the house is not only embarrassing but also, once they've been "used" for over a week or so, pointless. So start printing porno onto the tp for our bung holes. That way we can check out the porno, clean up, take a crap and be done with it.
3.	Inter-Office Exercise Equipment: What if, during your down time at the office, you could be working out from the comfort of your own office chair? Swivel chairs that fold back to become a free-weight bench, a chin-up bar attached to your desk's credenza and a copy machine/printer/stair-master combo system should round out your cubicle workout.
4.	Insta beard: Bust out a bottle of Insta Beard and paint one on. Insta Beard is a bottle filled with real facial hair and a temporary adhesive that lasts just as long as you need a beard. Got a lunch meeting with an old college buddy? Roll-on some Insta Beard so he doesn't think you've gone all "soft" and "corporate," but take solace in the fact that by the time you slink back into your soft and corporate office chair, the Insta Beard will have dissolved already.
5.	Drunk Copters: So we've been doing this designated driver thing for like, I dunno, 15 years or something...whenever Mothers Against Drunk Driving first came out...and let's face it...there's a crucial flaw in the plan. One guy has to not drink!! So that's why us guys are demanding our own fleet of helicopters chartered to fly us around when we're drunk. Then EVERYONE can drink. Except the helicopter pilot, I guess. He better not drink.
6.	Spray-on Socks and Underwear: I have to do the laundry once a week. Why? I keep running out of damn socks and underwear. Basically we'd need scientists to somehow fit a liquid-based cotton solution into an aerosol can that would become solid cotton once the solution hit the air. Science guys, try to fit five pairs per can...then we only need one can per week
7.	The F-Chip: It's just like the V-Chip, but rather than blocking violent programming from your TV, it keeps all female programming, like "Sex and the City," "Gilmore Girls" and "Will and Grace," off the air and, in their place, programs old Super Bowls on loop.
8.	Kitchen Swords: It's exactly what it sounds like...a sword, for use in the kitchen. Coming in all shapes and sizes (from the Butter Broadsword to the Salad Samurai Slicer), the Kitchen Sword is the manly, oversized version of the knife. It's invention would blast the act of cutting food into the next stratosphere.
9.	Cold Distillery Backpack: We're talking portable brewing here, baby! Since current methods of distilling spirits normally require heat, there's a lot of scientific leg work to be done before these backpacks go on the market. First, the concept of Cold Distilling would have to be invented. But once we're set in that arena, the Cold Distillery Backpack will become one of the most fantastic inventions ever dreamed of. Just throw the key ingredient into the top of the bag (be it hops for beer, sugar cane for rum or potatoes for vodka) and let the fascinating science of Cold Distilling work its yet-to-be-invented magic and viola! Out comes your own alcohol, straight out the bag's spout!
10.	Laser Guided Condoms: The "practical" use of these puppies is for dead aim--so you NEVER miss with the lights out. But really, we want this because adding lasers to our wangs would be frickin' hilariously amazing. You could totally do light shows on the ceiling after she passes out from your love making session, not to mention if you slip one of these suckers on at work, secretly give the old woodpecker some air and start doing some classic laser-pointer gags during a company board meeting. No one would be the wiser!

Lister: buccicone.2
Source: Double Viking

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