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How to Handle a Toxic Friend
HOW TO 
Tags: friend, enemy, toxic friend, friendship, relationship, respect
What exactly is a toxic friend? You might not recognize the term, but chances are you've probably had a toxic friend at some point in your life. According to Florence Isaacs, author of "Toxic Friends/True Friends", a toxic friendship is unsupportive, draining, unrewarding, stifling, unsatisfying, and often unequal. "Toxic friends stress you out, use you, are unreliable, are overly demanding, and don’t give anything back,” Isaacs tells WebMD. Isaacs lays out the steps to overcoming such a toxic friendship.
| 1. | Recognize the toxicity: “The first step is to recognize that the person is toxic,” Figley tells WebMD, “or at least that the relationship is toxic. They might not be a toxic friend to others but they are to you.” |
| 2. | Take responsibility: By continuing a toxic friendship, you’re allowing your friend to hurt you, but you’re also hurting yourself. “You have to take some degree of responsibility for the situation,” says Figley, a spokesman for the APA. So even though we want to help our friends and have them rely on us in troubling times, take responsibility for toxic friendships and how they make you feel. |
| 3. | Set boundaries: “Make good boundaries for yourself,” says Berman. “Start taking better care of yourself and make your own self-care more important than pleasing the toxic friend. Say no when she asks you for something that you don’t want to give, and call her out when she is mean or critical." |
| 4. | Talk to your nontoxic friends: “Talk to other people who may not have a vested interest in your toxic friendship; people who can give you an objective opinion regarding whether the friendship is salvageable and whether you can manage the toxic friend to neutralize the toxicity, or if you need to end the relationship.” |
| 5. | Suggest professional help: A toxic friend might need professional help to help her get her career, emotions, or family back on track. “If you point out to your friend how she is treating you and ask her to stop, and she continues to do it, you need to take it to the next level,” Berman tells WebMD. “Say to her, ‘I know you are a good person, but maybe you want to seek help.’ Keep in mind that if it has gone to that level, and a friendship is that toxic, it’s going to be destroyed at some point anyway. Better you make an effort to help your friend address her issues.” |
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Source:
CBS News/Web MD
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