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Conan O'Brien: In the Year 2000 - Jack Black  
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Tags: conan, obrien, year, 2000, Jack Black, Conan O'Brien, NBC

This is the Jack Black version of the "In the Year 2000" skit from NBC's Late Night with Conan O'Brien:

	"The recording artist once named Pink will be called 'Beige' when people realize that that's the color you get when you mix her name with the crap she records."
	"Thanks to advances in automation, Nike shoes will be made by robots. Unfortunately, the robots will be made by children in Malaysia."
	"We will at last have definitive proof that Jesus is the Son of God when Jesus borrows and wrecks God's Chevy Cavalier."
	"A man with a bulge in his crotch will be asked by his girlfriend if he has a banana in his pocket or if he's just happy to see her. In fact, he will both be happy to see her and have a banana in his pocket. From that point on, men with bulges will be asked "Is that a banana in your pocket and/or are you happy to see me?""
	"Shoehorns will stop helping feet slide into shoes and start trying to bang the shoes themselves."
	"Ancient scrolls will reveal that Noah originally planned on bringing three of each species on his ark; not to save them from the flood but just to see if any of the animals were into that kind of thing."
	"California Governor Gary Coleman releases all the inmates from the state penitentiaries in order to be reunited with the cast of Diff'rent Strokes."
	"Anna Nicole Smith will team up with the makers of Altoids Mints to introduce their newest flavor, Winter Bacon."
	"The line between Hasidic Jews and the Amish will further blur when the Amish start performing Barn Mitzvahs."
	"Rumors that Batman and Robin are gay will be confirmed when they legally change their names to Topman and Bottom."
	"Bars will serve a popular new drink called Jack Black and Coke. It will be two parts whisky, one part Coke and three parts Whoop Ass, Beatch."
	"During a press conference, George W. Bush will admit that he ignored warnings about the possibility of faulty intelligence, warnings that began when he was in the first grade."
	"Hugh Hefner will brag that he still has sex with 'Playboy' Playmates, though he will now define sex as allowing someone to chew your food for you."
	"American auto manufacturers will show how out of touch they are with American consumers when they introduce the new Ford 'Jihad.'"
	"Chickens will begin laying eggs far more quickly once they taste their first western omelet."
	"The serenity of 'Sesame Street' will be shattered when Silent 'E' finally snaps and guns down the other letters."
	"The world's perception of Dick Cheney will change drastically when a movie appears on the Internet that shows the Vice President at home in his underwear, wearing a nine inch nails T-shirt and watching 'South Park' with two black chicks."
	"This holiday season, aliens that look exactly like fresh-baked gingerbread men will pick the worst possible time to invade earth."
	"After months of cave to cave searches, U.S. troops in Afghanistan will admit they have not found Osama Bin Laden, but they did locate the guy who played dauber on 'coach.'"
	"The polar icecaps will melt, but the earth's coastal cities will be spared from flooding when quick-thinking authorities hand Kirstie Alley a straw."
	"The controversial President of Iran will make his most outrageous statement yet when he claims that Madonna just keeps getting better and better."
	"Kevin Federline will score a number one hit when Fox ranks the top ten white trash moments on 'Cops.'"
	"The new 'King Kong' movie will shatter all box office records, making actor Jack Black the biggest movie star in the world. He will remain the same quiet, humble, unassuming man that the world absolutely adores, as much for his dashing good looks as his massive talent, which grows by leaps and bounds as he moves effortlessly from picture to picture, from comedy to drama, from art house flick to humungous blockbuster -- I'M NOT DONE YET! Go see the damn movie, and then do your job! Ya hear me? Do your job!"

Lister: Pratt
Source: NBC.com Conan O'Brien

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