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Top 10 Signs Your Ageing  
FUNNY 

Tags: Ageing, Liver spots, Osteoarthritis, Urinary incontinence, Presbyopia, presbycusis, hair loss, False teeth, dentures, arthritis

Ageing ain't fun...

1.	You get spots on your face againOnly this time, they’re not teenage pimples but large freckles on the face and arms known as liver spots. These flat brown-black spots are unrelated to liver function, though – the increased pigmentation may be brought on by ageing, exposure to the sun or other forms of ultraviolet light, or other unknown causes. Liver spots are common after age 40. They occur on the backs of the hands, on the forearms, shoulders, face and forehead. They are harmless and painless, but perhaps one more thing you didn’t want to see in the mirror.
2.	You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there If you are not wearing dentures yet and want to avoid them as long as possible, take care of your teeth now. Flossing may be as important as brushing, say dentists. Many people with good teeth have to get dentures because they have bad gums. Also, like your glasses, your dentures won’t last forever – you’ll need new ones as your jawbone and gums change.
3.	Your knees announce your arrivalOsteoarthritis, the most common form of arthritis, is a joint disease where there is progressive degeneration of the cartilage lining the bones. The surface layer of the cartilage gradually wears away, and the bones grind against one another like sandpaper, causing pain, swelling, loss of motion – and a mini symphony of creaks every time you move. Over time, bone spurs may grow on the joints. Bits of bone and cartilage may also come off and float inside the joint space, causing more pain and damage. A total knee replacement is a surgical procedure in which the injured or damaged parts of the knee joint are replaced with artificial parts.
4.	You always know exactly where the toilets are Urinary incontinence is the loss of bladder and/or bowel control – a common problem among elderly individuals.As many as 15% to 35% of those over 60 have it, with women twice as likely as men to get it – these are the folks mentally mapping out every loo in a 100-metre radius. About 80% of sufferers can be cured or helped by treatment options such as behavioural therapy, medication or medical devices.
5.	Reading looks like tai chi Presbyopia is the gradual loss of the eye’s ability to focus properly on nearby objects. For most, the telltale sign is needing to hold reading material at arm’s length – in that arms-stretched, neck-craned pose which looks like a tai chi move (let’s call it “Stork Needs Glasses”). A natural part of ageing that usually affects those 40 and over, it can be diagnosed with a basic eye exam, and corrected with non-prescription reading glasses, prescription eye glasses or contact lenses. Surgery may also be an option.6 There’s more of you to loveAs a person ages, some bits go south but others go east and west. The weight and waistline may expand because of changes to body fat and metabolism.
6.	There’s more of you to love As a person ages, some bits go south but others go east and west. The weight and waistline may expand because of changes to body fat and metabolism. These can be brought on by many factors, including higher levels of lipids (fats such as cholesterol) and changes to the way the body processes glucose or sugar. A growing waistline is one indicator of the risk of heart disease, so don’t forget to watch that as well as your diet and exercise, and to go for regular medical checks.
7.	The children are telling you to turn the volume down Age-related hearing loss, or presbycusis, is a progressive loss of the ability to hear high frequencies such as those in speech. It is unknown whether a specific cause such as noise trauma leads to it, but there appears to be a genetic predisposition. The disorder occurs in about 25% of those aged 65 to 75, and 70% to 80% of those over age 75. Tests can determine the extent of loss – however, there is no known cure when it is age-related. Treatment is focused on functional improvement, such as with hearing aids, which amplify sounds.
8.	You look for your glasses for half an hour, then find them on your head Experts agree that some degree of memory loss is a natural part of the ageing process. Half to two-thirds of those aged 50 and older notice this change. If you are one of them, you may be glad to know small lapses are not usually a sign of a serious disease such as Alzheimer’s, but result from normal age-related changes in the brain. Although the degree of age-related memory loss varies from person to person, it is, for the most part, minor. If you don’t want to go down without a fight, however, some experts recommend memory-boosting exercises, foods and lifestyle changes, though there is no guarantee these will work.
9.	Plucking out all the grey hair would mean going bald Hair typically turns grey as a result of ageing. The pigment in the hair shaft comes from special cells at the root. These cells are genetically programmed to make a certain amount of pigment, or melanin, at specific ages. Over time, they make less and less pigment until the hair has very little. White hair has no pigment, and grey hair has some, but not as much as black, brown or red hair. The silver lining? Not all hairs respond in the same way or at the same time, so the graying process is usually gradual. But you can’t stop it: some start graying in their 30s, others in their 60s. Your genes probably call the shots.
10.	You’re reading whole novels in the toilet And it isn’t because you’ve mastered “Stork Needs Glasses” and know where all the loos are. Constipation – which is defined as the difficult, incomplete or infrequent passing of dry, hardened faces – is another unwelcome sign of your advancing years. But it doesn’t happen just because of ageing – lifestyle habits such as not drinking enough fluids, ignoring the call of nature, not exercising enough or not eating enough fiber are often to blame, too. – The Straits Times Singapore/ Asia News Network

Lister: DVE
Source: The Star, By JUDITH TAN

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