| | Jan Levinson-Gould: Sometimes a manager, like yourself, has to deliver the bad news to the employees. I do it all the time.
Michael Scott: Oh yeah, when have you ever done that?
Jan: I'm doing it right now, to you. |
| | Jim Halpert: (to Dwight) God, this is so sad, this is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head. |
| | Michael Scott: TMI? Too Much Information. It’s just easier to say "TMI". I used to say "don't go there", but that's lame. |
| | Michael Scott: Do I want to be feared or loved? Um... easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. |
| | Michael Scott: I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments, and that is when it's nice to let them know that you could beat them up. |
| | Pam Beesley: Well, last year my performance started with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were, and ended with him telling me he could bench press 190 pounds. So I'm not really sure what to expect. |
| | Jim Halpert: Today is Thursday, and Dwight thinks it's Friday, and that's what I'll be working on this afternoon. |
| | Michael Scott: There's always a distance between a boss and the employees, its just nature's rule. It's intimidation mostly. It's the awareness that they are not me. |
| | Michael Scott: Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say 'Hey man, I love you this many dollars worth.' |
| | Pam Beesley: I'm guessing Angela is the one in the neighborhood that gives the trick-or-treaters toothbrushes. Pennies. Walnuts. |
| | Michael Scott: [in reference to Todd Packer] One time, as a joke, he banged every girl in the office. It was hilarious. |
| | Dwight Schrute: Your pencils are creating a health hazard. I could fall and pierce an organ. |
| | Jim Halpert: Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train. |
| | Michael Scott: This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago. |
| | Michael Scott: What is the single most important thing for a company? Is it the building? Is it the stock? Is it the turnover? It's the people. The *people*. My proudest moment here wasn't when I increased profits by 17%, or cut expenditure without losing a single member of staff. No, no, no, no. It was a young Guatamalan guy, first job in the country, hardly spoke a word of English, but he came to me and he went "Mr. Scott, will you be the Godfather to my child?" Wow. *Wow.* Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked. |
| | Michael Scott: I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third. |
| | Michael Scott: You'll notice, I didn't have anybody being Arab. I thought that would be too explosive, uh, no pun intended. But I just thought, "too soon" for Arabs, maybe next year. You know, the ball's in their court. |
| | Jim Halpert: The Albany branch is working right through lunch, to prevent downsizing. But, Michael, he decided to extend our lunch by an hour, so that we could all go down to the dojo and watch him fight Dwight. |
| | Dwight Schrute: The purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. Not for me... for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies. |
| | Michael Scott: The most sacred thing I do is care... Today I am in charge of picking a great new healthcare plan. Right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um, yes. Like a specialist. |
| | Michael Scott: This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outta here. |
| | Michael Scott: Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask? |
| | Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion, you're dead |
| | Dwight Schrute: Yes, I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma in the seventh grade. I played the part of Mutey, the mailman. They had too many kids so they made up roles like that... I was good. |
| | Pam Beesley: The thing about Jim is... when he's excited about something- like the Office Olympics- he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here so... that hardly ever happens. |