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Die Hard: John McClane's guide to life
ENTERTAINING 
Tags: Bruce Willis, movie, star, Die Hard, John McClane, Live, Free, Yippe, Kay
Die Hard, an American classic like white picket fences and cherry pies. In honor of everyman hero John McClane and the new movie Live Free or Die Hard here is a list compiled by Tom Burns from the website UGO on McClane's guide to life.
| | Lesson # 1-Yes, on the surface, coming out to the coast, getting together, and having a few laughs sounds great, but it's horrible, horrible way to spend Christmas |
| | Lesson # 2-Outside of the comfort of your own home, never, ever take off your shoes. |
| | Lesson # 3-That guy you just killed? He's not dead. Honestly. Go check. Poke him with a stick or something. You'll thank us later. |
| | Lesson # 4-Don't worry if you get shot in the shoulder. Yes, you'll wince and it'll look awful, but it won't impede your ability to run, jump, or kick some bad-guy ass in the slightest. In fact, you'll probably just forget about it altogether. |
| | Lesson # 5- If you find yourself waging a one-man war against an army of terrorists, here's a quick checklist of all the items you'll need to have to succeed: |
| | Lesson # 6- Family always comes first. |
| | Lesson # 7-If you ever encounter someone with an Eastern European accent, shoot them in the neck immediately. There's a 54% chance they're a bad guy. |
| | Lesson # 8- Back-waxing is a painful, though necessary evil when you're a card-carrying terrorist-thwarter. A silky, smooth posterior is always an asset if you're going to be squeezing through an air vent or taping a glock to your back. |
| | Lesson # 9-It never hurts to engage your enemy in pleasant conversation. |
| | Lesson # 10-If you ever see William Atherton, shoot him in the neck immediately. This lesson also applies if you're a genius grad student working on a space laser, a Ghostbuster, or are stuck in a bio-dome. |
| | Lesson # 11- Terrorists are a lot like annoying girlfriends who never admit what they really want. If they say they want to free political prisoners, they're really breaking into a vault. If they're blowing up parts of New York, they're really trying to steal some gold. Be sure to let the terrorist know that you're not a mind-reader and that you're committed to improving your inter-communication skills. And then shoot them. |
| | Lesson # 12-While "Ho, ho, ho, now I have a machine gun" is a hilarious way to annoy the heck out of the terrorists who are ruining your Christmas Eve, it is a totally inappropriate sentiment to share in your annual holiday letter. Grammie will not be amused. |
| | Lesson # 13-Did we mention how important shoes are? Because it takes a long damn time to pull ten million shards of jagged, blood-soaked glass out of both of your feet. |
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Source:
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