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Fashion Trends That Need to Die!
Tags: fashion, clothing, shopping
I work in retail, and -- let me tell you -- some people really, really, really need help. I know. It's tough. A lot of people just don't have an earthly clue what looks good or fits right. That's fine. A blank slate can be worked with. There's also a ton of bad fashion advice, even worse from people who get paid a lot of money to tell you otherwise. But, hey, I'm an honest guy. Let me tell it to you straight.
| ||POPPED COLLARS -- It's a throwback to a vintage European style that, honestly, just doesn't translate well on this side of the pond. It actually doesn't look back with a well-made dress shirt, but people often abuse the privilege on their beat-up polo shirts or cheaply made button-downs. What's the point? Folded-down collars shouldn't even brush along your neck line. And why would you want a pointy piece of fabric to jab you in the back of the ears?|
| ||HOLED, SHREDDED JEANS -- "Deconstructed" jeans shared a bit of the fashion spotlight a couple of years ago, with the notion that people kept their favorite jeans around and wore them despite having worn and frayed them with regular use. Some fashion labels decided, hey, we'll tear them up for you and charge you three or four times the price. It's sad because these styles of pants are hardly convincing; people are going to know that you bought them pre-damaged, which loses the whole appeal and purpose of the look anyway. You lose even more points if your holes and frays are reinforced with stitching.|
| ||COLOR DAMAGED JEANS -- This describes a wide variety of jeans featuring heavy bleaching or, conversely, heavy dye exposure and irregular color displays. This is usually achieved through bleach or chemical mixes that dramatically alter the composition of the ink. Again, there's a tasteful way to show a little contrast in color. On the other hand, you can pretty much imagine someone paid way too much to take a paintbrush to your jeans or, worse yet, completely bleach yours out from your upper thigh to your hems on the bottom. That just recreates the whole problem of why wide vertical stripes don't look good on anyone.|
| ||COSTUME JEWELRY -- There's a reason why jewelry is generally constructed with gold, silver, and/or feature precious stones. The pieces actually look sophisticated and can really perk up a wardrobe. The problem with costume jewelry is that it's often very cheaply made, so it'll fall apart way too prematurely, and that it isn't hiding the fact that it's really just plastic, baubly junk. Moreover, a lot of pieces are so over-done in construction -- featuring way huge beads or uncomfortable designs or sit poorly on one's body -- that it serves as a distraction from the rest of your possibly nice outfit.|
| ||CLASS RINGS -- Look, I'm not knocking you if you love your high school even to this day. Good for you. The problem is, you finished your Bachelor's quite some time ago, and you're sporting what would otherwise be a gaudy piece of 10-carat crap on your ring finger. Unless you're looking for a fist fight in the near future, do take it off and keep your treasure in a keepsake box. That way, you're actually preserving your memories instead of appearing reluctant to let them go.|
| ||THE ROLLED OUT OF BED LOOK -- Perhaps I'm old-fashioned, but I think if you have errands to do that put you in the public eye, then you should make at least half an attempt to look presentable. Too often I see (and serve) young college girls who didn't take a shower, balled their hair into a messy ponytail, and threw on the closest pair of Victoria Secret sweat pants and not matching shirt and slippers. It hurts my heart, really -- because I know you're way cuter than you're letting on. So, start to believe that for yourself and get back in the walk-in closet and adjust yourself.|
| ||VISIBLE THONGS -- I think sexy undergarments and lingerie are meant to entice other people, but the trick only works if you keep it covered up before the time is right. If you know your pants are lower on the rise (and most are nowadays), stick to an equally sexy bikini brief garment.|
| ||CLEAVAGE -- Tim Gunn said it best in the preview for his new show on Bravo, "You can look very attractive without having [your breasts] spill out all over the table!"|
| ||BUYING THE MANNEQUIN -- And finally, a personal peeve. Mannequins aren't that bad an idea. It's the best way to show off a new outfit. The problem is, some people are lazy when it comes to shopping and will just point at a display and say, "I want that." I'm half-tempted to ask why. It looks good, maybe, but how is it exactly augmenting your sense of style? To that, I expect silence; if you don't know, that's fine, because a lot of people really just couldn't define what it is about the clothes they like that merit a purchase. In any case, talk to someone that knows clothing enough to help you really get pieces that you love. Don't just point something out because it's on a display or advertised in some come-hither pose. It just makes you look uninspired, and especially lost if it doesn't look flattering.|
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