| 1. | Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. |
| 2. | Movie nudity is virtually always female. |
| 3. | You know stuff about tanks. |
| 4. | A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. |
| 5. | Monday Night Football. |
| 6. | You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives. |
| 7. | Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. |
| 8. | You can open all your own jars. |
| 9. | Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight. |
| 10. | Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind. |
| 11. | When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying. |
| 12. | Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. |
| 13. | All your orgasms are real. |
| 14. | A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex. |
| 15. | Guys in hockey masks don't attack you. |
| 16. | You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go. |
| 17. | You understand why Stripes is funny. |
| 18. | You can go to the bathroom with out a support group. |
| 19. | Your last name stays put. |
| 20. | You can leave a hotel bed unmade. |
| 21. | When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you. |
| 22. | You can kill your own food. |
| 23. | The garage is all yours. |
| 24. | You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. |
| 25. | You see the humor in Terms of Endearment. |
| 26. | Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. |
| 27. | You never have to clean the toilet. |
| 28. | You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes. |
| 29. | Sex means never worrying about your reputation. |
| 30. | Wedding plans take care of themselves. |
| 31. | If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. |
| 32. | Your underwear is $10 for a three pack. |
| 33. | The National College Cheerleading Championship |
| 34. | None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry. |
| 35. | You don't have to shave below your neck. |
| 36. | You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite. |
| 37. | If you're 34 and single nobody notices. |
| 38. | You can write your name in the snow. |
| 39. | You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest. |
| 40. | Everything on your face stays its original color. |
| 41. | Chocolate is just another snack. |
| 42. | You can be president. |
| 43. | You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat. |
| 44. | Flowers fix everything. |
| 45. | You never have to worry about other people's feelings. |
| 46. | You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours. |
| 47. | You can wear a white shirt to a water park. |
| 48. | Three pair of shoes are more than enough. |
| 49. | You can eat a banana in a hardware store. |
| 50. | You can say anything and not worry about what people think. |
| 51. | Foreplay is optional. |
| 52. | Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. |
| 53. | Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room. |
| 54. | You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. |
| 55. | You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by. |
| 56. | You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. |
| 57. | Car mechanics tell you the truth. |
| 58. | You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. |
| 59. | You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me) |
| 60. | The world is your urinal. |
| 61. | You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you. |
| 62. | You get to jump up and slap stuff. |
| 63. | Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. |
| 64. | One mood, all the time. |
| 65. | You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him. |
| 66. | You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy. |
| 67. | You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle. |
| 68. | You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing. |
| 69. | Same work....more pay. |
| 70. | Gray hair and wrinkles add character. |
| 71. | You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment. |
| 72. | Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. |
| 73. | You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back. |
| 74. | With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory. |
| 75. | You don't mooch off others' desserts. |
| 76. | If you retain water, it's in a canteen. |
| 77. | The remote is yours and yours alone. |
| 78. | People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. |
| 79. | ESPN's sports center. |
| 80. | You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift. |
| 81. | Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers. |
| 82. | You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother. |
| 83. | You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked. |
| 84. | You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom. |
| 85. | If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell you friends you've changed. |
| 86. | Someday you'll be a dirty old man. |
| 87. | You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k it!" |
| 88. | If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies. |
| 89. | Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary. |
| 90. | The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. |
| 91. | You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood. |
| 92. | You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny. |
| 93. | If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room. |
| 94. | New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. |
| 95. | Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind. |
| 96. | You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries. |
| 97. | Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them. |
| 98. | Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?" |
| 99. | Baywatch |
| 100. | There is always a game on somewhere. |