| | Leave to copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. |
| | Sit in your yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. |
| | Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.” |
| | If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others. |
| | Sing along at the opera. |
| | Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.” |
| | Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.” |
| | Practice making fax and modem noises. |
| | Highlight irrelevant material in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss. |
| | Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. |
| | Finish all your sentences with the world “in accordance with prophecy.” |
| | Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hand over your ears. |
| | Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the cartridge across the room. |
| | Holler random numbers while someone is counting. |
| | Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.” |
| | Staple papers in the middle of the page. |
| | Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise. |
| | Honk and wave to strangers. |
| | Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. |
| | TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE. |
| | type only in lowercase. |
| | don t use any punctuation either |
| | Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. |
| | Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?”, “What?”, “Never mind, it’s gone now.” |
| | As much as possible, skip rather than walk. |
| | Try playing the William Tell Overture (The Lone Ranger Theme) by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat. |
| | Ask people what gender they are. |
| | While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. |
| | In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.” |
| | Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. |
| | Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme. |
| | Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.” |
| | Tell your friends 4 days prior that you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood. |
| | Send this list to everyone in your address book. |
| | Travel everywhere with your pet rat sitting on your shoulder or poking out of your jacket pocket. |
| | Deck your house out in thousands of Christmas lights, and hook them up so that they blink all at once. |
| | Line up the demo fans at Home Depot and pretend you're in a wind tunnel. |
| | Keep unwrapped candies in your pockets so that your hands are always sticky. Perfect for handshakes, doorknobs, and ATM buttons. |
| | Crank up your computer speakers at work and roll your mouse over the "Say Something!" smiley ad, over and over, pretending your a DJ. |